"Sexual Mentorship"
Besides the daddies and twinks, my dating life has seemed to had a recent influx of sexually inexperienced men. One may think that sexual inexperience goes hand in hand with a young age, however, this is not the case in these situations these men are all close to my age yet still seem to be navigating the dating pool with their v-card completely intact. As someone who was a late bloomer themselves I sort of understand what this is like but now that I am on the other end of the situation I find myself feeling a bit awkward about taking someone's virginity.
I hope this post does not make me seem insensitive to their situation. As I said I myself was late to the party having only lost my virginity myself at the age of 22. I know what it is like to be in their shoes. I was fresh into my first relationship and although I had done some things sexually I hadn't gone through with the final act. By this time I was at the point where I couldn't simply have sex with a stranger because my waiting had turned my virginity into this sacred relic. I found myself both wanting to give it away but also thinking it should be with someone special. For me this was a now ex-boyfriend on the carpet of his living room, then the couch, then the kitchen counter. I am glad I waited and I applaud others as in the age of online dating I think I would find it very tempting to take home a sexy stranger.
Now that the shoe is on the other foot I find myself placed under a weird kind of pressure. I not only have the pressure of deciding whether I like this person enough to be their first. But I am also under the pressure to perform in the bedroom, you have to make their first time memorable. When a person has waited this long I feel like it becomes more of an event. They could have given it to anyone by this point and they have most likely had the opportunity to, but for some reason, they are holding out. But why? And for who?
Story time. I first was presented the opportunity to take someone's virginity earlier this year. A guy I had been dating presented the fact that although he had done other things, he was still a card carrying member. He claimed because he had done other things he had lost his virginity after all oral sex is still sex. Maybe virginity is open to interpretation like that but in my mind it was clear, he was still a virgin. I did not take this lightly and to be honest it made me wonder if I should keep seeing him. I felt as though I may not actually like him enough to take his virginity. After multiple dates and him asking if I would like to, multiple times, I finally succumbed and on New Year's Eve, I took his virginity. Now comes the tricky part, although we dated briefly it did not end up working out. Now I still receive occasional messages asking if we can do it again. If you are this person or are in a similar situation please note this is clingy. I do not regret what we did but I feel like this guy is romanticizing it and now wants more.
Which brings us to now. I am now casually dating another man who still holds his virginity. My friend's joke that I am a 'sexual mentor' taking these men under my wing (a phrase stolen from the Netflix flop Friends From College). To be honest I think a part of me finds it admirable and a bit hot that they can have such restraint. I enjoy the challenge of keeping restraint myself and actually going on old school dates. To complicate things further this man is one of my cousins best friends, perks of a small city. I know now if I were to claim his v-card my cousin would be one of the first people to find out. He claims it isn't a big deal and sounds very much like I probably did before I lost mine. He doesn't need to wait for the one as long as it is someone he cares about. Still in my opinion, if I were to be that person I would feel an obligation to make it special (that sounds lame I know).
I have yet to decide what I want to do, but I am going to continue dating this guy, I do like him a lot. But does taking someone's virginity complicate things? Should I continue my sexual mentorship with this man? Or is giving away your v-card just another swipe in the ATM of life.
I hope this post does not make me seem insensitive to their situation. As I said I myself was late to the party having only lost my virginity myself at the age of 22. I know what it is like to be in their shoes. I was fresh into my first relationship and although I had done some things sexually I hadn't gone through with the final act. By this time I was at the point where I couldn't simply have sex with a stranger because my waiting had turned my virginity into this sacred relic. I found myself both wanting to give it away but also thinking it should be with someone special. For me this was a now ex-boyfriend on the carpet of his living room, then the couch, then the kitchen counter. I am glad I waited and I applaud others as in the age of online dating I think I would find it very tempting to take home a sexy stranger.
Now that the shoe is on the other foot I find myself placed under a weird kind of pressure. I not only have the pressure of deciding whether I like this person enough to be their first. But I am also under the pressure to perform in the bedroom, you have to make their first time memorable. When a person has waited this long I feel like it becomes more of an event. They could have given it to anyone by this point and they have most likely had the opportunity to, but for some reason, they are holding out. But why? And for who?Story time. I first was presented the opportunity to take someone's virginity earlier this year. A guy I had been dating presented the fact that although he had done other things, he was still a card carrying member. He claimed because he had done other things he had lost his virginity after all oral sex is still sex. Maybe virginity is open to interpretation like that but in my mind it was clear, he was still a virgin. I did not take this lightly and to be honest it made me wonder if I should keep seeing him. I felt as though I may not actually like him enough to take his virginity. After multiple dates and him asking if I would like to, multiple times, I finally succumbed and on New Year's Eve, I took his virginity. Now comes the tricky part, although we dated briefly it did not end up working out. Now I still receive occasional messages asking if we can do it again. If you are this person or are in a similar situation please note this is clingy. I do not regret what we did but I feel like this guy is romanticizing it and now wants more.
Which brings us to now. I am now casually dating another man who still holds his virginity. My friend's joke that I am a 'sexual mentor' taking these men under my wing (a phrase stolen from the Netflix flop Friends From College). To be honest I think a part of me finds it admirable and a bit hot that they can have such restraint. I enjoy the challenge of keeping restraint myself and actually going on old school dates. To complicate things further this man is one of my cousins best friends, perks of a small city. I know now if I were to claim his v-card my cousin would be one of the first people to find out. He claims it isn't a big deal and sounds very much like I probably did before I lost mine. He doesn't need to wait for the one as long as it is someone he cares about. Still in my opinion, if I were to be that person I would feel an obligation to make it special (that sounds lame I know).
I have yet to decide what I want to do, but I am going to continue dating this guy, I do like him a lot. But does taking someone's virginity complicate things? Should I continue my sexual mentorship with this man? Or is giving away your v-card just another swipe in the ATM of life.
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